John Wright

Jan 2015

If peeing your pants is cool, consider Professor Wright to be Miles Davis. Yeah, that doesn't make sense at all, but you get my point -- Professor Wright might very well be the biggest weapon amongst the Columbia faculty. Dude's an absolute torpedo. He'll rifle into class and immediately shoot out a handful of jolly "good morning's" and "aaawlright's" towards the class. Shortly thereafter, he'll write the words "good morning" in the most illegibly legible handwriting on the most dysfunctionally functional smart board. In no time, you'll have your tail between your legs (at least I did) as you wait for the lethal weaponry that Wright has in stock for the remainder of the hour. Well I'm writing to tell you what exactly that is. The bottom line is Wright is well-prepared, helpful, and always available outside of class; he's also an extremely intelligent dude who possesses a solid ability to explain challenging concepts to students. His pithy lecture notes are available online, but it behooves you to read the text to clear up concepts from the class notes. The highlight of the course comes at the end of each lecture when Wright recites the following from memory in an angry tone: “Galadriel his sister went not with him to Nargothrond, for in Doriath dwelt Celeborn, kinsman of Thingol, and there was great love between them. Therefore she remained in the Hidden Kingdom, and abode with Melian, and of her learned great lore and wisdom concerning Middle-earth.” As he spoke these words, the class would get jacked up and begin grunting curse words in a sacred middle-earth language that no one (including myself) could decipher. In order to mitigate these outbursts, Wright would sometimes randomly select a student to deliver a Lord of the Rings quote to the class. Unfortunately, I was never summoned. But basically, I heard if you recited a legendary quote from memory, you were likely to receive an A- or better in the course. Hope that helps! :)